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| A rough example of the floor plan to my Aunt's house...(click to enlarge) |
May 9, 1983, a date that has been etched into my memory forever, because this is the date that Michael the nice teenager would change into something that you would not imagine is even possible. After years of verbal, mental and physical abuse at the hands of my uncle, I had reached my breaking point. There were many things that lead me down that path but I always had the choice to turn the other cheek or fight back. I decided to fight back, but not the way you would think was possible...and my uncle didn't see it coming either!
As you remember, four days earlier I was at the happiest point in my life after winning the Triple Jump competition at the Tulare Elks Relay on Saturday. Prior to that date, I have never jumped over 43 feet, but that day I grew wings and soared. The joy and pride that I had inside for what I accomplished was an amazing feeling. I was grinning from ear to ear, and for once in my life, I did the best I could do and was rewarded for my effort. The emotions that I felt when I received my first major gold medal cannot be explained and given proper justice by simple words. All I can say is that confidence, and self worth washed over my spirit and for the first time in 15 years I was at peace with myself.
As I stated previously, my uncle was outside the stadium fence on the street. The distance between the street and the stadium fence is only about 10 feet, so it is easy to watch everything that was going on in the stadium. Until that day, he never came up there to watch, so what the hell was he doing there this time. I still do not know the answer to that question and really don't give a damn. All I know is that he took my special moment and threw it away.
After the track meet was over, I left the gym and started walking in the direction where he was parked because I figured he would give me a ride home. As I approached the car, I noticed that he was already in the driver seat and started the car as I approached. When I was only about 50 feet from the car, he looked me in the face and drove off. As I watched him drive off, I felt a coldness come over me...something told me that there would be problems at home this weekend.
I make it home perfectly fine and see my aunt sitting in the living room watching television. So I start to look around to see if the car is there...cool he isn't here. I run to the front door and quickly tell my aunt how I did in the track meet. She again stated how proud she was of me and she knew I would do perfectly fine. I gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and went to my room to relax. She and I had a great dinner and just relaxed for the evening. Ted never came home...maybe the bastard will stay out all night...I can only hope!
Sunday comes and goes rather quickly because of Sunday School and afternoon service at the church, in which my aunt announced how I did at the track meet. Everyone in the church congratulated me and said that they were proud of my accomplishment. The warmth of happiest comes back to me again and I enjoy every moment of it while I am at church. Sunday evening is a little different because my uncle is there at the house but he isn't stupid to cause trouble on a Sunday.
Monday and school comes and I can't wait to show my friends the medal, so I take it to school with me. Some might say I was showing off, but I wasn't, I wanted people to see it, because it was the first thing that I truly worked my butt off to earn. While at school one of my friends remind me that the Monday newspaper has all the details of the track meet in the sports section and my name is listed.
There is one paragraph that talked about me:
"The lone frosh-soph first was turned in by Mike Rowland, who soared 45'-4 1/4' to help Tulare to a 1-2-3 sweep,...". I couldn't wait to get home to cut it out of the newspaper and add it to my scrapbook collection. (Yes, I still have it and it is sitting in front of me right now as I type this blog).
I rush home after practice and quickly as my aunt if she has seen the newspaper, she said that my uncle was reading the paper and that I needed to wait until he was done with it. So I waited around to see if he was done with the sports section. I sat on the steps going into the den quitely and waited. No sooner than I sit down, he looks over at me and gives me a look that bugged me, but I wasn't going to let it get to me, I was in a good mood! But he changed that really fast. He was reading the sports section so I nicely asked if he was done with the section that talked about our meet. He said he was done with it but he had to do one thing first before giving it to me. Ok, wow, he is being nice for a change. He stands up, grabs his shoes and the paper and walked outside for a few minutes. That was rather curious but I still sat there and waited. A few minutes later he walks up to the den door from the backyard and tells me to come to the door to get the paper. At last, I can finally cut out the article!
No, I couldn't...he took the paper outside into the dog's pen and pushed my section of the paper into a pile of dog shit and brought it to the door for me to see it. With a smile on his face he looked at me and said, "take this piece of shit and put that in your fucking memory you fucking asshole". I stood there in total shock and disbelief at what I just witnessed. I snapped and took a swing at him as I yelled at the top of my lungs, "you stupid black mother fucker, what is your fucking problem you fucking nigger". He pushes me back and I slam into the wall head first. As I slump to the ground, I heard my aunt scream and tell both of us to stop this very minute. I try to get up as quickly as I can to jump at him again only to get a punch in the chest which takes my breath away. I gasp for air as I try to get up and run away from him. I finally get to my feet and run into my room and slam the door closed.
From my room I hear my aunt and uncle yelling at each other, and then the front door opens and closes. He is leaving in the car and stays gone for several hours. That was fine with me, because I was wishing that he would be killed in the car so that we could be done with that evil fucking asshole once and for all. My luck was that good because he came home later in the night while we were asleep. He tried to come into my room but to his surprise I moved my dresser in front of the door. He cussed at me through the door for what seemed like an hour. He finally gave up and went to the den to go to sleep.
Tuesday morning comes and I go to school and of course I am very quite the entire day and stayed away from all of my friends. I wanted to be left alone because I just couldn't be around anyone at all. Not because I was hurt, bruised or mad, but because I needed time to figure things out. What could I do to put an end to all of this abuse. For a moment, the thought of suicide was very big in my mind and I thought of the different ways that I could do mysellf in. Sanity came back to me and I decided that I would not do something like that because he would win. So I had to figure something else out and do it fast. I got it, I know exactly what I will do and I will do it Wednesday night.
Wednesday comes and I go to school and again I stay away from all of my friends, I have to plan my strategy. I needed to have it timed out perfect or it would not work at all and even my aunt would be in harms way. But I knew I had no choice any longer, action must be taken and it would be taken tonight.
I knew on Wednesdays that my aunt would attend Bible Study service at the church and she would be there for several hours. So as soon as we finished dinner, I told her that I would clean up dinner and take care of things in the kitchen. It did surprise her, but she was in a rush to get to church so she agreed. She gets dressed and I walk her to the door and tell her, "tell all of the saints I said hello". She leaves through the front door and I quickly lock the door and put my plan in motion. As I turn around, I quickly take a look down the walkways to the den to see if my uncle was laying down in his favorite position on the sofa in the den. You see, that was the key to everything. From the living room I could see all the way to the den where he sits and falls to sleep after dinner. Just go to sleep Ted, that is all I need for you to do at this point...go to sleep you black mother fucker.
The time is 6:30 pm, May 9, 1983 and a monster is born from the ashes of a broken, battered and bruised teenager. I start to walk to my room and glance back at Ted as I walk away. He notices me turning and looking at him several times, which sparks a reaction from him. Good! I need those reactions to fuel the monster. He yells towards me, "just take your yellow punk ass to your fucking room before you get fucked up mother fucker". I stop in my tracks in the living room and slowly turn to the left to look over my shoulder back toward him. I just give him a little evil grin and nicely say, "ok, just go to sleep". I turn and continue on my path towards my room. I sit in my room for about 15 minutes in total silence.
That silence is critical, no noises between the living room and den can happen, otherwise I would not be able to hear that black son a bitch snoring. What is that sound I hear....could it be....yes it is...that 6 ft 3, 260 pound sack of pig shit is asleep. I get up off my bed and start to walk back into the living room. As I walk slowly I stop to step on the floor boards that always make noise. I have to do that, because I want those sounds to be heard by him as he sleeps and wakes up.
I am now standing in the doorway between the living room and dining room. Arms folded and my eyes locked on him asleep on the den sofa two rooms away. I take a few more steps into the dining room and step on the one spot that creaks loudly...he stirs and moves as he opens his eyes to see me. He yells out to me, "what the fuck are you looking at bitch", I keep looking at him and calmly say, "just go to sleep".
While his eyes are open, I do not move a muscle, I do not say a word, I just keep my eyes on him. What's this, he is falling asleep again...I take a few more steps in the dining room. I am now just a few feet from the kitchen...one more room until I am in the den. I step on another floor board that creaks...he wakes up and with anger in his voice says loudly, "mike I am not playing with you, I will fucking hurt you fucking ass, now go back to your fucking room before I hurt you". I keep looking at him and calmly say, "just go to sleep, Ted, just go to sleep".
After another few minutes, he dozes off to sleep again...I move into the kitchen and step to the right a few steps to trigger that last creaky floor board. It does its job and wakes him up again. But this time, he doesn't see me because I had to trigger the creak. I hear a sigh from him, and he says lowly, "yeah thats what I thought you little chicken shit mother fucker, took your little ass back to your fucking room". No, I was not in my room, I was in the kitchen out of sight. But for a good reason...you see, I cleaned the kitchen after dinner, so I knew what I had to get out of the kitchen first. I quickly grab the item and then wait a few moments for Ted to settle in and fall into deep sleep. It only took about 15 minutes for that to happen...snooring is all I hear, loud and heavy.
I climb onto the kitchen counter to avoid the floor board creak so that I can get into the den quickly because the monster is hungry and is ready to feed. I slowly approach my uncle as he lays there on the sofa fast asleep. This is it, the time has come for Ted to witness the monster he created.
From my back pocket I pull out the butcher's knife that my aunt uses to carve up the meats. It is so sharp because while I was cleaning the kitchen, I asked her "how long has it been since the knife was sharpened", she replies, "it has been a while, let me show you how to sharpen it, it is very easy". Cold steel blade, nice and sharp. I position myself to the left of the sofa so that I can get a clear path to his throat. I am now in the perfect position...and move in with the knife and place that cold steel blade on his throat as I say calmly, "wake up mother fucker, it's your time to die you fucking piece of shit". He opens his eyes and realizes that I have the knife to his throat and can easily slit him open like a stuck pig. For the first time, I finally see in his eyes what I have had in my eyes for years...absolute horror.
He is so stunned and in shock that he can't say anything and shaking. I get right next to his ear and tell him, "listen carely you fucking nigger, the next time you fucking touch me, I will bury this knife so deep in your body it will come out the other side. As you can see, you are old and I am young, I can stay up all night long if I have to, to get to you again. If you don't bellieve me, try me, but it will be the last mother fucking thing you ever do in life, because I will send you straight to hell and piss on your grave. Don't fuck with me ever again bitch!"
I pull the blade away from his neck and calmly walk back into the kitchen. I go to the sink to wash the knife again and place it in the proper place where my aunt always likes it to be. I hear nothing coming from my uncle, so I look back into the den at him and he is still just laying there with a look of terror on his face as I look at him and give him a smile. I go to the freezer and grab a popcicle and head to my room. Once I get into my room, I hear a car outside, it is my aunt returning from Bible Study. I greet her at the door and with a smile I say, "did you remember to tell everyone I said hello?" She looks back at me and says, "you are such a sweet young man, and yes I did say hello, and they all said hello in return". I then told my aunt that I was going to bed early because I was really tired and wanted to be ready for school tomorrow. She agreed and quickly told me, "I got Monday's newspaper from Elder Jackson, he said that you could have it so that you can add that story to your scrapbook".
To the best of my knowledge, my aunt never found out what happened between Ted and I that night. But I am pleased to tell you, from that day forward, he never laid another finger on me and reduced the amount of times he would cuss at me.
Don't think for one moment that I am proud of what I did that night, because I am not. There is a reason why I have great patience with everyone, it's because I know there is a monster inside of me...and as long as I am treated right, the monster sleeps................
Very interesting Mike, VERY interesting. It had appeared that would have reached the boiling point-a moment where the wires inside ones head are crossed creating a short for insanity to follow the path of least resistance. I say you captured your story with vivid imagery and a dark tone that catapulted it all into the realm of justified terror. Well done, Mike!
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