For this segment I am going to break from the timeline and jump around to different points in my life. I must apologize for the length of this portion, because it is rather long, because I have so many dear moments/memories with each person. I want to pay homage to those Ladies that helped me along the way...
It has been said, "Behind every good man, there is a great woman", and I know this to be absolutely true for my life. This is my testimony to 6 ladies that have been a driving force in my life. For those ladies that I do not mention, please understand that I do care and love you all, but these 6 are at the top because each has used the "tools of life" to help me build a foundation, frame the skeleton, protect from the elements, fill the structure with love, live in the structure and lend support when the structure needed repair/maintenance.
Erma Rowland - My dear and beloved mother. She is the starting point for my life. A male cannot become a man without the love of a mother. That love is the security blanket of life and nothing on this earth can take away the love a mother can for her child. My mother passed away on August 4, 1986 when I was only 18. Since I lived in California with my aunt and uncle, I did not have the opportunity to live with my mother for the entire 18 years. But that does not mean I did not have my "blanket". As I was growing up, I would write to my mother about the different accomplishments that I would achieve while I was going through school. Every few weeks, we would be on the phone and talk for a long time. Every two years we would make the journey from California to Oklahoma and spend at least 2 weeks there with the family. As soon as I would get into town I would go over to my mother's house and stay with my brothers and sisters. The one thing that I miss the most since my mother's passing is the hugs that she would give. My mom would wrap her arms around me and just hold me. Even now as I think back to the last hug I received, I feel warmth that can never be duplicated. (One moment please, I have tears in my eyes but not of sadness, but of happiness) Mom, I love you and I miss you, but I know you created a "blanket" for me and I still use the blanket. The last time I seen and spoke with my mother was at the hospital in Oklahoma City, where she was losing her battle with breast cancer. Before my mother passed away, she told my older brothers and sisters that she was only going to hold on until I arrived from California. Even with the Angel of Death so near to her, she refused to give up her spirit until she was able to see and talk with all of her children. I arrived in Oklahoma on August 2 and went directly to the hospital and spent time with mom. Mom did not want her boys to cry in front of her, because she wanted us to be strong for our sisters. I tried with all my might to hold back the tears, but it was too hard, and I allowed one tear to flow down my cheek. I have cried many times in my life, but after the passing of my mother, I cried for a long time, and I still want to cry even now.
Lois Lewis - My dear and beloved aunt. My aunt for all intense purposes became my second mother. She raised me after I moved with her and my uncle to California. My aunt was a God fearing woman that was a loving soul to everyone that had the pleasure of meeting her and knowing her. It is still hard on me to talk about my aunt because her passing was the next painful moment in my life that I thought I would not make it through. It has been 4 years now (April 27, 2006) when she passed away from her battle with cancer as well. Since my mother was my blanket, my aunt was my comforter. She was that extra protection from the cold winds of life that seemed to find its way into my life at times. When I would have my moments of weakness and doubt, I only had to pick up the phone and call my aunt. Many times when I would call, she would answer "I knew you were going to call, because I felt something was wrong". Just hearing those words each time, told me that we had a bond that was unspoken. My aunt raised me in a church and religious environment that enriched my soul and helped me know right from wrong. Her teachings and lessons are still with me today, even though at times I walk my own path. But I know when I need her, she is still there as an angle over my shoulder. The weekend before she passed away, I drove to Tulare with my sons, so that they could see their "Granny". The nurse brought in some beef broth for her to have, and without hesitation I grabbed a spoon and the broth and began cooling it off and feeding it to her. It was my turn to take care of her, and I did it with pride. Without my aunt knowing, the rest of the family was planning a surprise birthday party and the Community Center in Tulare for her birthday on May 11. Behind the scenes my cousin Yvonne, her mother and I were getting money together and calling all of my aunt's friends to join us for the celebration. She had never had a birthday party put together for her and we knew this had to be the event of the year for everyone invited and the celebration of a lifetime for her. Even while she lay in the hospital we all continued to do more and more for her surprise party. Everyone knew that she would make it out of the hospital because everyone was praying for her. But 14 days from her birthday, our Lord and Savior decided that he wanted her to come home and be with him in Heaven. I was happy that she was no longer in pain and that she was at peace with the Lord. I got the phone call late at night while I was working on a project for work. All I could do is scream from the pain that was now piercing my heart because I was alone. My "blanket" and "comforter" have left this mortal life and began their eternal life.
(Yes, I have tears in my eyes again at this moment and my heart aches, but I will continue.)
Sheila Rowland - My dear and beloved sister. My sister Sheila was the split image/soul of our beloved mother. After mom passed away she was the one that picked up the pieces and became the person to go to when you needed to talk about the problems of life. Sheila was a religious lady that loved life and everyone. She worked at a day care center and was loved by so many children that she helped take care of from day to day. She was full of life and always had words of wisdom and kindness to give to those that needed her. Over the years as I was growing up, she and I was talk on the phone for hours at a time. We would tell jokes to each other and just laugh until it hurt to laugh. One day I get a phone call from Oklahoma and it was my older sister Gaby. She informed me that Sheila was in the hospital for surgery because she had developed breast cancer. Oh God, not again, please don't put our family through this again, not now, the pain of losing our mother is still there after 12 years. The Lord listened to our prayers and wishes and gave Sheila back to us. She made a complete recovery from her battle with cancer. Oh thank you Lord! During a business trip to Fort Worth, I decided to stay for the weekend and drive up to Oklahoma to see my family. My cousin drove to Fort Worth, picked me up at the hotel and we headed to Oklahoma. As soon as we arrived, my cousin took me directly to see my sister Sheila at work. She knew I was coming into town that day, but figured that she would see me after work. I walked into the day care center, and asked for Sheila. They pointed me in the right direction. I opened the door to the area where the toddlers played and there she was, playing with the kids. I walked up behind her and said, "Is there room for me to play also?". She quick replied, "of course there is always room to play with the kids". She turned around to see me and just let out a scream of joy. The other people she worked with came running because they thought something was wrong. She grabbed me and gave me a hug that was so strong I had trouble breathing for a few moments. I had to say, "Sheila I know you are happy to see me but let me breath girl!". For the next 30 minutes she introduced me to all of the kids and her co-workers as "this is my baby brother 'Mikey' from California". (Word of advice, ONLY MY SISTERS CAN GET AWAY WITH CALLING ME MIKEY). The rest of my visit was wonderful; me and Sheila hung out at our cousin Mila's house and just talked up a storm for the two days that I was there. A few years later, I received a phone call from Sheila in which she explained that the breast cancer is back and more aggressive than before. We talked for a while and talked of the past. Deep down inside I knew that I only had a little while left with my sister. Then one day our oldest sister called me before work and gave me the news that Sheila was in the hospital. I called the hospital and talked with her for a little while until she needed to rest. One of the last things we talked about was me getting to Oklahoma to be with her while she was alive. Sheila knew how hard it was for me to get back there at the time, so she just told me that I didn't need to be there, because I was always with her in her heart and in her mind. Two days later, she passed away. My oldest sister called and told me and I made arrangements to get there for her funeral. As a testimony to her kindness, there were 3 young men that she use to watch in day care that sang the Boyz II Men song "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday". As soon as they started to sing the first chorus of the song, me and my two older brothers started to cry. We tried to do as mom has always told us to be strong for our sisters, but this time, our sisters were strong for their brothers.
So those are the 3 ladies that were the most important female figures in my life as I was growing up. And I can truly say that I am blessed to have known and been loved by all 3. I know each portion ended with the tragic death of each, taken by cancer. That is why I beg everyone that ever reads this blog, to donate and/or be very supportive of loved ones that suffer from cancer.
Michelle Rowland - My wife, friend and mother of my children. There are so many things that can be said about Michelle: friend, provider, supportive, tough, strong and the most important thing...a mother. The relationship that I have with Michelle is like no other. When I am weak, she is strong; when I am confused, she is wise (even a wise ass too); when I am troubled, she is a listener; when her sheep are in danger, she is the Sheppard and the wolf to those that show intent on hurting her flock. There are things that have happened in the 20 plus years that we have known each other that make us who we are today. If I ever had to go through hell to battle anything, Michelle is the warrior that I would want by my side. She was there when I lost my sister, and knew that she needed to step up as my shoulder. She was there when I lost my aunt, and knew that she needed to be my rock during my heart ache. Michelle has become my ultimate protector and I know she will do what it takes to ensure that I am OK. Even to the point that if someone really does me wrong; they would have to deal with her first. The saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn", just mess with me or her sons in the wrong way and you will know the fury that is Michelle. It is amazing, for someone only 5 foot and some change tall, there is a strength to her that is unmatched in my life. When life tries to knock her back, she takes the hit and comes out swinging and saying "oh hell no, is that all you got, I'm a kick your @$$". Not to mention, in those moments where I forget my place (or "training" as you woman say) she is ready to put me back in my place as well and make me go through refresher training as needed. (Although at times I act like I forgot the "training"; I am really just testing the waters like any guy would do.)
Susan Maxwell - My dear friend. The first thing I must say is that it is an honor and privilege to know Susan. When you look up the name Susan, it is described as "lily"; "to be joyful, bright or cheerful". To me, that definition for Susan Maxwell is only touching the tip of the iceberg. Susan has a wisdom concerning the path of life that you can only get from your mother, yet Susan gives her wisdom to all that seek her out and have a thirst for knowledge. I can't count how many times over the years that I have known Susan that she has been there with a well of refreshing and soothing knowledge. We have all heard of the fabled "Spring of Life" that is to give eternal life; to me Susan is the genuine "Spring of Knowledge and Hope" because she so much advice and guidance to offer. No matter how dark the skies may be, or how hopeless you may feel; after speaking with Susan, you gain a sense of peace and knowledge that things will be alright in time. There have been a few times while I was at work and things just went absolutely wrong, I would call and speak with Susan. Like the Rock of Gibraltar, Susan will be there to help you make it through the storm. You can anchor yourself with the knowledge and kindness that comes from Susan. I have never been a jealous person, but I am jealous of Susan's family members and children because they have known and loved Susan for many years. To me, the world would be a much better place if every single person had a friend like Susan. I am not a catholic person, but to me, Susan, my mother, my aunt and my sister are all Saints to me. Thank you Susan for coming into my life, because I am a better person because I know and love you my dear friend.
Marianne Fisher - My dear friend. Have you ever met a kindred spirit? Well I have, and her name is Marianne Fisher. Let me take you back several years to describe the beginning of our relationship. I was a bratty little Management Analyst for the Fresno Compliance Services and had way too much "piss and vinegar" in me at the time. I believed that whatever my Director wanted, I was going to give it to her and dare anyone to stand in the way of me getting what my Director wanted. I was given the task to speak on the Director's behalf on various conference calls that Marianne was the HQ Analyst over. Each time Marianne would speak of something that Fresno did not like, I was a pit bull on the issue and would just make things hard. I know there was a time when Marianne would rather slap/kick/punch me for things I would do, and I can honestly say...I would deserve it. After a few years of this going on, I had the unique opportunity to apply for a position to work with Susan and Marianne on a HQ Staff. I applied and was selected for the job. But I knew behind the scenes I had to bury the hatchet between Marianne and my evil twin (hehehe). So within the first few days of being in the new position I wrote a letter to Marianne to explain my actions. I wanted to make sure that she knew it was only business and that I looked forward to learning from her on the things that I needed to do as HQ Analyst. Long story short....Marianne and I have become kindred spirits because we both have a side to us that many people provoke in coming out. When we talk, we feel comfortable enough to let the more "colorful" adjectives come out to ensure we give an accurate evaluation of the subject or person. When I explain Marianne to my other friends I always say "Marianne is my sister from another mother and father". That is how I feel about the relationship that we have developed over the years. She knows that she can call me and we can let the angry side of us go to each other. And just like my real sisters, I love Marianne just as much.
Well that is the end of my homage to the 6 ladies that have had an amazing impact on my life. In future stories they will be mentioned again, but I wanted to take this moment in time to speak directly about them. As always ladies, I love you and you will forever be in my heart, mind and part of my soul. Thank you for the honor of allowing me to be a part of your life and you in my life.
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